i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
