I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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