Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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