story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
