you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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