he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
