youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
