I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
