i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
me + whiskey = a bad person
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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