Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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