i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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