Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
