They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
