I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
