Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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