Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
