So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
