i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
