I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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