he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
