He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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