Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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