You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
