you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
