sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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