a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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