Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
false alarm, still single
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
