Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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