Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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