that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
