you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
