I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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