I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
