It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
