do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he thought i was a dude.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
