he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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