Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
