Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
