i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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