I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
