New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
