I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
