I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
