Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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