I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
