It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
