So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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