I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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