Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
