I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's shark week go big or go home
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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