She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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