there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I will pee on everything he values.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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