I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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