the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
