he told me I talked like a deaf person
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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