Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
