Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
