I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
