He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
