I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
