Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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