OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
