I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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