somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
