i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
