i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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