I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
