I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
